Communication Skills

Accurate communication allows you to understand what others say, sign, or write and for them to understand you. In most instances we want to communicate in a clear and unambiguous way. However, often the communication process breaks down and messages are misunderstood.

The three types of communication that most of us commonly use include verbal communication, symbolic communication, and nonverbal communication.

Verbal communication is when we try to relate our message to others using word and sounds. 

Symbolic communication involves the things that we have given meaning to and that represent a certain idea; for example, to an American the American flag is a symbols that represent freedom, a skull and cross-bones represents something to stay away from, a red light means stop, etc.

Nonverbal communication deals with facial expressions and body motions (called body language).  It is estimated that over 90% of the “emotional meaning” we take from other people is found in the person’s facial expressions and tone of voice and less than 10% is based on the person's actual verbalizations.  May times you may not even be aware of the non-verbal messages you are sending along with your verbal message. Accordingly, non-verbal communication can be seen as the single most powerful form of communication. More than voice or even words, nonverbal communication cues you in to what is on going on in the other person.  But you have to learn about what non-verbal messages you are sending and how to accurately read another person's non-verbal messages.

For most of us, the purpose of interpersonal communication is to get your message across to others clearly and unambiguously. But many of us do not have good verbal skills and, too often as listeners, we lack good listening skills.  Not only can our lack of clarity in sending (talking) and receiving (listening) verbal massages be a problem but often our verbal message is inconsistent with, or confounded by, non-verbal messages we often do not even know we are sending.

By successfully getting your message across, you convey your thoughts and ideas effectively. When not successful, the thoughts and ideas that you send do not necessarily reflect your own, causing a communications breakdown and creating problems.

In spite of the increasing importance placed on communication skills, many individuals continue to struggle, unable to verbally communicate their thoughts and ideas effectively and unable to understand how their non-verbal messages play havoc with their interactions with others. 

Problems with communication can occur at every stage of the communication process.  To deliver your messages effectively, you must break down the barriers that exist in each of these stages of the communication process.  If your message is too long, too complicated, is disorganized, poorly expressed, or presented too rapidly, you can expect the message to be misunderstood and misinterpreted.  Body language can also confuse the message and leave you listener either with the wrong information or leave them confused. 

I have found that good verbal and nonverbal communication skills do not come naturally for many of my clients and that they need to consciously learn and practice good communication skills. Learning about the way you communicate with others and the barriers you unintentionally create can help you in your personal and professional life.  You can learn to animate your voice and control its volume, learn to be more concise, make meaningful eye contact, to effectively use gestures, and avoid sending mixed messages.  You can also learn how to make a more positive first impression. 

With the assistance of a therapist or coach you may find that many of your personal problems are founded in, or are complicated by, the lack of good verbal and nonverbal communication skills. Then, after an accurate assessment of your skills, you can learn new ones.

For more information about communication, please click on the linked websites listed below.

"If you really want help dealing with your feelings and emotions, changing your behavior, and improving your life, I will be happy to help you.  I am available almost any time and any place.  You can call me directly and there is no cost or obligation for the initial telephone consultation.  Or you can reach me by email.  I look forward to the possibility of helping you to improve your life."   Dr. Vince Berger