Anger and Frustration

In general, we may become angry or frustrated whenever we are not able to achieve a goal.  Life is full of frustrations from minor irritations to something really big.  When we use our frustration and anger to motivate us to change something in our life, anger and frustration end up being good and helpful.  But for many people anger and frustration result in irritability, rage, wrath, stress, resentment, loss of confidence, depression and other negative behaviors. While anger and frustration are not the same, so many of the clients I have helped have so much combined frustration and anger that the distinctions between them are lost and meaningless.  

Frustration is experienced whenever our behavior produces less results than we think they should. In essence we experience a block preventing us for our desired goal.  This block can be from real or imagined internal sources with ourselves (such as a lack of confidence or fear of social situations ) or external sources (such as being stuck in traffic or having someone else get something you wanted).

With external sources of frustration and anger we need to learn to avoid certain situations or recognize that they may be unavoidable. Ideally, your goal in dealing with external sources is to recognize the wisdom of the the Serenity Prayer..."God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference." One can learn that while the situation itself may be upsetting and frustrating, you do not have to be frustrated. But this learning process may require the help of a professional since many clients have established behavior patterns that are hard to recognize or change by themselves.

Anger is just one of the typical responses to frustration.  Others include giving up, loss of self-confidence, depression, and stress. Other reactions include eating and weight problems or drug and alcohol abuse and other addictive behaviors. 

Anger is usually seen as a stronger reaction than frustration.  Anger is a response to a grievance. This grievance can real or imagined and can be from something that happened in the past, the present or may be anticipated in the future. Anger is is also a response to a real or perceived threat due to things like a conflict, injustice, negligence, humiliation and betrayal.

Anger can be an active or passive. An example of active anger is when you lash out verbally or physically. Passive anger is characterized by sulking, irritability, and veiled hostility. An extreme of active anger is called Explosive Disorder or Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).  This problem is characterized by aggressive impulses resulting in serious assaults or property destruction. For a discussion of the different types of anger please visit the website PsychologistAnywhereAnytime links anger and explosive disorder.

Anger and frustration can motivate us or they can make us unable to recognize or accept what makes sense.  When anger and frustration are the primary emotions being felt, we become less able to think and act rationally.  People with anger and frustration problems often act with verbal or physical abuse or turn the emotions inward and experience physical problems such as hypertension, high blood pressure and ulcers.  When anger and frustration get out of control, they can lead to problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life.

You can not eliminate all anger and frustration in life because, despite all of our best intentions and behaviors, life is filled with frustration, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. While you can not change this reality, you can change the way you let such events affect you.

If you feel that your anger is out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, I can help you in developing techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior.

You can learn how to control your frustration and anger so that they do not control you. Traditional types of therapy like psychotherapy, Reality Therapy and Cognitive Therapy, and Behavioral Therapy have shown positive results with frustration and anger. The following is a brief overview of some of the many types of anger management that have proved helpful to clients in understanding and controlling frustration and anger.

• You can learn to control and then convert or redirected these emotions. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior.
• You can develop strategies for changing both your thinking and behavior.  You can develop safe and appropriate emotional and physical techniques to release anger, develop alternate good communication skills, and engage in cognitive restructuring.
• You can learn simple relaxation skills as deep breathing and relaxing imagery to help calm down angry feelings. Breathing deeply, from your diaphragm, will help you relax while breathing from your chest will not. Non-strenuous exercise, like yoga, can relax your muscles and make you feel calmer.  Certain kinds of vigorous exercise can also help reduce angry feelings.
• You can learn to accurately assess your abilities and to alter situations so that you do not prevent yourself from solving your problems and reaching your goals. 
• You can learn to distinguish between what you hope will happen, what will probably happen, and what actually happened.

New ways of thinking and acting will help you to be more content and happy which, in turn, will help you to more easily overcome anger and frustration. If you are angry, sad, anxious, or depressed you will have less patience and tolerance for everything and everybody. Therapy can help you recognize your frustration and anger, achieve awareness and control, and develop new and healthy ways of thinking and behaving.

For more information about anger and rage, please click on the linked websites listed below.

For more information about frustration, please click on the linked websites listed below.

"If you really want help dealing with your feelings and emotions, changing your behavior, and improving your life, I will be happy to help you.  I am available almost any time and any place.  You can call me directly and there is no cost or obligation for the initial telephone consultation.  Or you can reach me by email.  I look forward to the possibility of helping you to improve your life."   Dr. Vince Berger